Protecting youngsters is just the start for Ford's MyKey system

A SAFETY feature fitted to Fords in the States will be arriving from across the Atlantic next month in a bid to prevent younger drivers being involved in accidents.

The MyKey system, which will be fitted as standard on most models in the Fiesta range from next month, allows parents to alter the car's settings to make it safer when their children borrow it, and includes the option to restrict the top speed, to limit how loud the stereo system is, or to disable the audio altogether if seatbelts aren't being used.

I reckon, however, that MyKey could be used for all sorts of things beyond merely protecting youngsters from themselves. Here’s some of my own suggestions for extending the system:

Parent Mode: As per the normal MyKey system, but with an additional, disabled set of pedals in the passenger footwell for those moments when you never know whether your loved one is going to brake or not.

Audi Mode: Uses a form of radar-guided cruise control to automatically reduce all motorway following gaps to three feet. Minimum speed set to 90mph.

Tiff Mode: Switches all traction control systems off.

Gangster Lean Mode: Automatically maximises driver’s seat recline and darkens the windows. Maximum speed reduced to 8mph. Stereo preset to loudest volume.

Alfa Mode: Redirects all electronics so as to be operable by the passenger window switch alone.

Hire Car Mode: Doubles maximum speed, rev limit and optimum cornering speed. Only available on fleet cars sold to Avis, Hertz, etc.

Bond Mode: Activates the machine guns and nail dispensers

Roger Moore Mode: As per the Bond Mode, but with added eyebrows.

IKEA mode: Quadruples boot space.

TVR Mode: Automatically blanks off every interior button and reorganises them in an order completely incomprehensible to all human beings. Except, perhaps, TVR owners.

Feel free to add your own suggestions…