My Bad Romance with historic vehicle tax

TODAY I'd like to begin a column covering all matters motoring with Lady Gaga. An unlikely icon of our times.

Weird and wonderful in almost every measure, Miss Poker Face wears dresses made from meat, makes bizarre statements in the pages of Heat magazine, and sings songs about the joys of getting utterly smashed after drinking a tad too much red wine. But she's not yet been invited into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, whereas Madonna has.

All of which brings me neatly onto my MGB, which the DLVA are currently reclassifying as an historic vehicle, meaning the amount of road tax I have to pay is nothing. The Government quite rightly agree that cars like mine are icons of the automotive world, and because they make our roads a prettier place they're happy to allow them a tax break.

But you'll still have to stump up to run the equally worthy Mazda MX-5, Ford Escort Cosworth and Ferrari F40 because they were made after the Government's cut off point for classic cars, which is January 1, 1973, meaning that like Lady Gaga they're arguably iconic but not in a way that's accepted in any vaguely official way.

There's also a mountain of miserable motors made before 1973 that arguably aren't exciting enough to warrant free road tax - you might not remember the Hillman Avenger, but if you do you'll know it's so ugly and desperately unattractive it can't possibly be considered a classic. Designating it an Historic Vehicle is about as stupid as slapping on an Historic Market Town sign in front of Milton Keynes.

Clearly, what we need is a new organisation which can decide up ‘n' coming classics on a case-by-case basis, and clear up once and for all that the Lotus Elise, for instance, is a classic car and the Hillman Avenger isn't. Ideally, it'd be led by

Top Gear's James May - a man we can trust with the noble task of overseeing the nation's classic cars - and guided by advice from Stirling Moss, petrolhead turned TV funnyman Steve Coogan and at least one person who works for Autocar. Trust me, it's a much better system than the one we've got now!

Don't hold your breath though...